Leaders of
key Western states have sent messages congratulating the Russian Government on
winning the Cold War, following the revelation that the CIA and FBI believe
Russian hackers intervened in the American Presidential election to help Donald
Trump win. Earlier this week the Washington Post published a leaked CIA report claiming
that hackers working for the Russian Government acted directly to assist Trump’s
victory, and this version of events was later endorsed by FBI director James
Comey. Analysts have agreed that this blows apart the traditional view that the
West was the victor in the Cold War.
Following
these revelations Western leaders rushed to offer Russia belated
congratulations on its Cold War victory. German Chancellor Angela Merkel
tweeted ‘Congrats Russia. Thought we’d won but you pulled it back at the end.
Great game!’ British Prime Minister Theresa May concurred, telling a press
conference in London that ‘you’ve got to hand it to them, looked like they’d
lost in 1991 but they managed to pull it back’.
Western
security analysts have admitted they underestimated the Russian threat, having
spent the last couple of decades seeing Russia as no more than a source of
crucial strategic resources such as oil and pornography. A former NATO official
admitted to The Pigeon that ‘the Russian’s lulled us into a false sense of
security…they played us brilliantly’.
In response
to our request for comment a spokesman for President-elect Donald Trump released
a statement. Unfortunately however it’s in Russian so we can’t read it.
